Berlin Bummers
A techno dream turned to trauma & the host that kicked us out
And just like that we were on our way to Germany!
We had planned to stay for 12 days. We got kicked out on day 5.
Enter the Insane Asylum
Who were we staying with you ask? Flashback again to the May trip (yes the trip I quit my job). Our first stop on that trip was Budapest. One night S and I went out to this underground techno club that used to be an insane asylum (so cool right?). It was so sick- and that’s where we met this guy, let's call him Kevin, Kev for short.
Obviously, S and I had made our way into the VIP area behind the DJ and that's where we met Kev. Kev was so nice and fun, and we ended up hanging out all night. Y’all we didn’t leave the club until 7am. We all hung out a bit the next day before Kev’s flight back to Germany. He told us that if we were ever back in Europe, we should come visit him in Berlin. Me and S? A free place to stay in Europe? Uh, yeah. We’re there.
We kept in touch with Kev after meeting him and told him we’d visit after we left NYC and were in Europe. I mean, it’s BERLIN. Me and S were thinking: hell yeah biggest techno scene, we are gonna go dance our faces off, roll till the sun comes up while bopping along to techno.
Spoiler alert: that did not happen.
Anyways we arranged dates to go and lined everything up. We had also planned to go to Prague with Kev. Since Prague is so close and none of us had been there, we were gonna do a quick road trip there for 2 nights.
Berlin Bound
August 1st arrived and there we were commencing our 12 day adventure, or so we thought.
The first night was pretty chill. Our host had prepared a cute little aperitivo for us on the rooftop and the weather was perfect, sun shining, painting the sky a golden landscape perfectly hitting all the little rooftops in the town we were in. Golden hour at its finest.
After chill time, the 3 of us went out for sushi dinner (not German food lmao). I remember I was absolutely dying for Asian food after having only pasta, pizza, and bread for two weeks.
S and I of course wanted to go out and party after dinner. Our host, Kev? Not down. All he wanted to do, and I quote, was “let's just chill”. Sir. Please. We are in freakin BERLIN. We wanna go roll our faces off at an underground rave until the break of dawn. Not chill at your house, like huh?
But whatever, we were trying to be polite guests so we all agreed, tomorrow night would be a crazy Berlin night out.
Immediate red flag that Kev was not on our same page, just a different personality completely. But also, our own fault because we went to stay with basically a stranger. Someone we had met once in a foreign country. Classic.
A Day in Berlin…
So it's the next day, we're like: let's go out and see the city! Sightsee! Be tourists and you be our personal tour guide!
And Kev? “Let's just chill”. My god, it was like pulling teeth to go do something. Eventually, we ended up strolling around the city and had a nice day. If I'm being honest though, I did not particularly like Berlin.
The people and food are both dry as hell. The vibe of the city was mid at best and the energy just felt gloomy. Oddly quiet outside during the day, you could probably hear a pin drop.
Me and S kept saying how we wanted to go thrift shopping to get outfits for the rave we were gonna go to. This man takes us to one of the most expensive areas to shop… we were like… wth? Again, just not on the same page as us. Zero alignment. We had no choice but to shop there because we were burning daylight, so we made it work.
I got a black outfit (shocker). We all headed back to Kev’s to pre game and got ready for the evening. The pregame? 12/10, once again me and S have taken over this man's home. Blasting our music, makeup and hair tools scattered about. Clothes were thrown everywhere because we didn't know what to wear. And drinks galore. In our element.
Berlin Techno Night.. Finally
Later we head to the club.
Huge line. People everywhere. We grabbed roadies from the bodega and had our own little line party. Once we got in it felt VERY Berlin (whatever that means). I could barely see at this point LOL. Think Brooklyn underground warehouse techno party except in a building that was 4 floors and different vibes on each floor plus an outside area where smoke filled the air. Cigs just hit different in Europe.
Shockingly enough nothing crazy (from what I remember) happened at the club. Just good, messy fun. The 3 of us rolled and danced our faces off probably until 6am… which is considered early in Berlin.
Next day? I was fighting for my life. Who knows what time it was when we pulled it together and left the house. We needed a wholesome day for sure after last night's antics. We went and strolled along the river and visited the Berlin Wall. It was a wholesome European day “just chilling”.
After watching the sunset by the river we found live street music, which was actually amazing. Then ended up renting Limes after and scootering around the city for hours; singing, laughing, slightly tipsy, scooting through European streets lit by the street lamps. Carefree and silly, probably the peak of this leg of the trip.
Eventually, we called it a night. We had a road trip to Prague in the morning!
That’s when things started to go downhill fast...
Road Trip to Prague
Let me just sidebar for a sec here: if a man doesn’t know how to handle a car problem.. Immediate ICK.
So during the drive (about 4 hours), Kev wouldn’t shut up about what an amazing driver he is. Like, cool bro? It’s not rocket science. The entire time we were with him there were A LOT of missed and off social cues.
Then it starts pouring. Kev PULLS OVER. Okay, safety first, but like… it’s rain. You just said you’re a great driver and then can't drive through a drizzle? Weird flex but ok.
Then the windshield wiper gets stuck while we are pulled over at a gas station. Kev? Calls. His. Dad.
Because he didn't know what to do. I’m sorry, but if the ick wasn’t there already, it sure as hell was now.
Anyway, I napped after that. (For those who know me, I can sleep literally anywhere.)
The Plot Thickens..
We made it to Prague in the evening, finally parked (Kev took 10 years), and checked into our Airbnb which we had for the next 2 nights. We unloaded, freshened up, then headed out to dinner.
We went to a local spot, food was fine, nothing to write home about in my humble opinion. Kev however took one bite of his food and with his German accent goes:
“oh my god, this is the best meat I’ve ever had.”
Another bite “Wow this is so good try it, it's the best I’ve ever had.”
Another bite “Oh my god you guys this is really amazing, I can’t believe how good this is.”
Last bite of his food “Wow this was so good and I am a tough critic when it comes to my food.”
Dude was like full on orgasm after every bite of his food. I was like ok we get it your food is good, glad you enjoyed it so much, like what else is there to say.
Me: “Ok Kev what do you rate it, 1-10? (I said this jokingly as I know he's going to say 10).
Kev: dead straight face goes “four”.
Me: “A FOUR??!!??”
Me & S: confusion at its finest 🤨
Yeah... the social cues? Not cueing.
After that meal I needed some alone time away from Kev, and it was pretty rainy and getting late anyway so I went back to the bnb to sleep.
Fairytale City
Next morning, I woke up first and snuck out for a solo stroll. Prague is a stunning European city.
It felt like Disneyland in real life. Imagine a skyline of old stone cylinder shaped buildings filling the city, split by a river down the middle with old bridges connecting you to either side. Surrounded with quaint shops, and small gardens tucked between cobblestone streets. The main square was filled with vibrant people and towering cathedrals that just exuded timeless beauty. Think Beauty and the Beast meets Edinburgh with a sprinkle of gothic style. Truly a charming fairytale of a city.
By the time I had met up with the other two for a late lunch, I wasn't feeling great so ended up going back to the bnb after our lunch. Apparently while I was there some drama went down and ended in Kev storming off and leaving S by the river.
I then went to meet S by the river, we came to the conclusion Kev is the worst and it's gonna be a long rest of our time here in Prague/Berlin but at least we had each other lol.
Since Kev went, god knows where, S and I did what we do best and started to day drink. We strolled around the city, tipsy as could be, a mini photo shoot by the river… you know the vibes. And then treated ourselves (rarely ever do we deny ourselves) to a wonderful sunset rooftop dinner.
After dinner the sun had set and the street lights lit up the entire stone covered city. It was glorious. S and I stopped and grabbed a bottle of wine for a nightcap and went home tipsy and unbothered.
End of the Road
Tensions were rising once we got back to the bnb after S and I went and did our own thing the entirety of the afternoon and evening. We were all in the living room, Kev hit his breaking point with us and went on a rant saying we’re too much for him and that this wasn't how he imagined the trip going. S and I (tipsy) shot back that this was not how we thought the trip was gonna go either. Then from what I can remember we were all yelling over each other and it wasn't pretty.
It ended with Kev saying to us “Yeah I don’t think this is gonna work out, you guys shouldn’t come back and stay with me, the trip ends here.”
S and I looked at each other and had a whole conversation with our eyes. We do not need to speak to know what the other is thinking most of the time. We both go “Kev that's insane, our suitcases are at your house in GERMANY like we have to go back with you and get them.”
He tries to tell us we can just take the TRAIN back. Yeah, no, not happening.
We are like “Kev, that is literally crazy, we have to check out of the bnb tomorrow anyways and we will drive back with you to Berlin”. He eventually caves and goes “well this is going to be a fun 4 hour car ride”.
We all go to sleep. Next morning we were packing up our backpacks before check out. S and I really wanted to go see the Prague Castle before leaving. Kev was adamant on just heading back to Berlin asap. He was eager to get rid of us apparently.
We somehow convinced him to take us to this castle. The 3 of us explored there a bit and then hit the road, Berlin bound again.
Now remember how I told you he said he was a good driver? On the way home with our “good driver” we stopped for Ramen. Upon parking?
HE. HIT. A. PARKED. CAR.
I can't even make this up. I'm holding back laughter as he LITERALLY HITS A CAR. Luckily no damage but.. Bruh.
Ramen was fire though.
We were fed, and hit the road for the remainder of the drive back.
Back on the road, me and S started scrambling for a plan. I had a flight from Berlin to Portugal to see my situationship, so I was kind of stuck. I didn’t want to pay to stay in Berlin for another 5-6 days when the city kind of sucked. We eventually decided to just go back to Como, regroup, and I’d move my flight.
So in the car we had convinced Kev to drop us at the airport after we packed our bags at his house. Honestly him dropping us off at the airport after kicking us out was the LEAST he could do.
We make it back to Kev's home and start packing up our suitcases, it's awkward af. We were collecting our stuff that was spread out all over his living room and bathroom and he just watched us pack. So. Weird.
We are almost finished packing when he goes “yeah so I can't take you guys to the airport, my friend is gonna be here soon and we're leaving to go somewhere so you guys need to leave like now”.
My jaw hits the floor, I am GAGGED. I remember thinking to myself, is this guy being so serious right now? Not only did he kick us out with no time to plan anything or make arrangements, he won't even take us to the airport with his car and now is telling us we need to leave right this second?! Like pleaseeeee.
And the cherry on top of course, it ends with him saying: “I hope we can still be friends.” LMFAO absolutely not.
Queue: “You’ll never see me agaaiiiin” 🎶
So that was that. Abrupt and awkward ending. Never spoke or saw him again.
And just like that me, S, our two pink suitcases hopped on the metro and headed to the airport. Back to Como, back to our little strip. Five days to kill before going to meet up with my man (at the time) in Portugal.
Which spoiler alert, ended horribly. So stay tuned!
Ciao for now! XX
Hanna
Sneak Peek at Stories to come: Imagine your sandal breaks and your “man” covers you for a pair of $15 emergency flip flops and THEN says “you can venmo me later”... ICKKK.